An Illusion Called Love
by Marcurio'sPrincessXxo
Summary: It had always been a lie to her. Every man she had ever met was the same. No one wanted her, and the ones who "did", only used her for their own advantage. If each man was the same disgusting pig, what made this one seem so different? *T - language and inappropriate "scenes" that may be intense for some viewers (may go in2 M later chapters. Follow or look for it in the M category)
1. One

**ONE**

**~.~**

* * *

Hassan was just like Mama had said. He was tall and dark, and Jade had never seen anyone so beautiful. Even dressed in dusty riding clothes, his hair damp with perspiration, he was like all the different princes in the stories Mama read. Jade's heart beat with wild joy and pride. None of the other fathers she saw in town compared to him. Not even the handsome Jarl compared to him.

He looked at her with his dark eyes, and her heart sang. She was wearing her best long green tunic over a crisp white skirt, and Mama had braided her hair, pinning the braid into a tight bun. Did Papa like the way she looked? Mama said green was his favorite color, but why didn't he smile? Was she fidgeting? Mama said to stand straight and still and act proper. She said he would act like that. But he didn't look pleased at all.

"Isn't she beautiful, Hassan?" Mama said. Her voice sounded strange... tight, like she was choking. "Isn't she the most beautiful little girl you've ever seen?"

Jade watched Papa's dark eyes frown. He didn't look happy. He looked angry. Like Mama looked sometimes when Jade talked too much or asked too many questions.

"Just a few minutes," Mama said quickly. Too quickly. Was she afraid? But why? "That's all I'm asking, Hassan. Please. It would mean so much to her."

Hassan stared down at Jade. His mouth was pressed tight, and he studied her silently. Jade stood as still as she could. She's stared at herself in the rippling pond in their backyard so long this morning, she knew what he would see. She had her father's chin and nose, and her mother's ebony hair and fair skin. Her eyes were like her mother's too, although they were even more green. Jade wanted Papa to think she was pretty, and she gazed up at him hopefully. But the look in his eyes was not a nice one.

"Did you pick green on purpose, Adara?" Papa's words startled Jade. They were cold and angry. "Because it brings out the color of her eyes?"

Jade couldn't help it, she glanced at her mother-and her heat fell. Mama's face was filled with hurt.

Hassan glanced toward the foyer. "Clarice!"

"She's not here," Mama said quietly, head held high. "I gave her the day off."

Papa's eyes seemed to get even colder. "Did you? Well, that leaves you in a fix, doesn't it, dove?"

Mama stiffened, then bit her lip and glanced down at Jade. What was wrong? Jade wondered sadly. Wasn't Papa happy to see her? She had been so excited that she was actually going to be with him at last, even for a little while...

"What would you have me do?" Mama's word were directed at Papa, so Jade stayed silent, still hoping.

"Send her away. She know how to find Clarice, I would imagine."

Pink spots appeared on Mama's pale cheeks. "Meaning what, Hassan? That I entertain others in your absence?"

Jade's smile fell in confusion. They spoke so coldly to one another. Neither looked at her. Had they forgotten she was in the room? What was wrong? Mama was distraught. Why was Papa so angry about Clarice not being home?

Chewing her lip, Jade looked between them. Stepping closer, she tugged at her father's coat. "Papa..."

"Don't call me that."

She blinked, frightened and confused by his manner. He _was _her papa. Mama said so. He even brought her presents every time he came. Mama gave them to her. Maybe he was angry that she never thanked him. "I want to thank you for the presents you-"

"Hush, Jade," her mother said quickly. "Not now, darling."

Papa flashed her a thunderous look. "Let her speak. It's what you wanted, isn't it? Why are you shushing her now, Adara?"

Mama stepped closer and put her hand on Jade's shoulder. Jade could feel Mama's fingers trembling, but Papa bent toward her now, smiling. "What presents?" he stated more than asked.

He was so handsome, just like Mama said. She was proud to have a father like him.

"Tell me, little one."

"I always like the candies you bring me," Jade smiled, feeling warm and proud beneath his attention. "They are very nice. But best of everything is the jeweled heart."

She smiled again, glowing with joy that Papa listened so carefully. He even smiled, though Jade wasn't sure she liked his smile. It was small and tight.

"Indeed," he said and straightened. He looked at Mama now. "I'm so pleased to know how much my gifts mean." _  
_

Jade looked up at her father, thrilled at his approval. "I put it on my windowsill. The sun shines through it and makes the most beautiful colors dance around on the wall. Would you like to come see it?" She took his hand. When he jerked it away, she blinked, hurt, not understanding.

Mama bit her lip and reached out a hand toward Papa, then stopped suddenly. She looked afraid again. Jade looked from one parent to the other, struggling to understand. What had she done wrong? Wasn't Papa pleased that she liked his presents?

"So you pass on my gifts to the child," Papa sneered. "It's good to know how much they meant to you."

Jade bit her lip at the coldness in Papa's voice, but before she could speak, Mama touched her shoulder gently. "Darling, won't you go outside and play now?

Jade looked up, distressed. She had done something wrong. But what? "Can't I stay? I promise to be very quiet." Mama couldn't say another word. She looked at Papa through moist eyes.

Hassan bent down to Jade again, this time with another tight, small smile. "I want you to go outside and play," he whispered down at her quietly. "I want to talk to your mother alone." He patted her cheek.

Jade smiled, utterly enchanted. Papa had touched her; he wasn't angry at all! He loved her! Just as Mama had said all those times. "Can I come back when you're finished talking?"

Papa straightened stiffly. "Your mother will come and get you when that time comes. Now, do as you've been told."

"Yes, Papa..." Jade wanted to stay, but she wanted even more to please her father. Once out of the parlor, skipping through the kitchen, she was out the door and in her mother's garden. She picked a few lavender that grew aside the steps and then headed for the head of Dragon's Tongue. She plucked the petals. "He loves me...he loves me not...he loves me...he loves me n-" She hushed as she came around the corner. Still able to hear bits of the conversation, she didn't want to disturb Mama and Papa. All she wanted was to be close to them.

Jade daydreamed contentedly. Maybe Papa would put her up on his shoulders. She wondered if he'd take her for a ride on his big black horse. She would have to change her dress, of course, but Papa never seemed too fond of it anyways...  
She wished he would have let her sit on his lap while he talked to Mama. She would have liked that very much, and she would have not at all been a bother.

The windows were open, allowing the crisp mountain air to waft in. Mama loved the smell of lavender and the distant stream to fill the living area. Jade wanted to listen to her parents. That way she would know just when Papa would send Mama to come get her and let her back in again. If she was very quiet, she wouldn't disturb them, and all Mama would have to do was lean out and call her name.

"What was I do, Hassan? You've never spent so much as a minute with her! What was I to tell her? That her father doesn't care? That he wishes she would have never been born?"

Jade's lips parted. _No..._ _Deny it, Papa!_

"I brought that jewel back from Hammerfell for _you_, and you throw it away on some child who has no appreciation for it's value. Did you give her the diamond necklace as well? What of the music box? I suppose the little brat got that too, huh?"

The bunch of lavender and Dragon's Tongue fluttered away from Jade's hand. She sat down on the ground, careless of the crisp white skirt getting dirty. She closed her winter jacket, allowing it to swallow her. Jade's heart slowed from it's wild, happy beat. Everything inside her seemed to spiral downward with each hurtful word.

"Hassan, please. I didn't see any harm in giving her that one thing. It made it easier; telling a small lie like that of you care than having her crushed with knowing the truth. She asks me every time she knows you're coming if she's old enough to meet you. How can I say no to her again? I didn't have the heart. She doesn't understand your neglect, and quite frankly neither do I."

"You know how I feel about her."

"How can you say what you feel? You don't even know her! She's a beautiful young child, Hassan. She's quick and charming, and every bit like you. She's a _someone _not a something... and you just can't pawn her off like you do me and all the other-"

"I have enough children by my wife." He didn't even bat an eye at the remark. "Legitimate children. The ones you ask for. I told you I didn't want another, and that's exactly what I meant."

"How can you say that! How can you say that about your own flesh and blood?"

"I told you how I felt from the beginning. But did you listen? No. She should have never been born, Adara, but instead you insisted on having your way...and look where it's got you."

"Do you think I wanted to get pregnant? Do you think I planned to have her?"

"Y'know, I've often wondered. Especially when I arranged a way out of the situation for you and you refused. The doctor I sent you would have taken care of the whole mess. He would've gotten rid of-"

"I couldn't do it!" Mama's voice quivered. Jade saw her Mama clutch her thin stomach. "How could you expect me to kill my unborn child? Don't you understand? It's a immoral sin."

"You've spent too much time in those Temples," he said derisively. "Have you ever thought that you wouldn't have had the problems you do now if you had gotten rid of her the way I told you. It would've been easy. But you ran out."

"I wanted her!" Mama said brokenly. Her words sputtering together through her sobs and gasps for air. "She was part of you, Hassan, and part of me. I wanted her even if you didn't..."

"Is that the real reason?"

"Hassan, you're hurting me!"

Jade flinched as something shattered loudly. "Is that the _real _reason, Adara? Or did you have her because you though bearing my child would give you a hold over me you otherwise lacked?"

"You can't believe that!" Mama winced. "You do, don't you? Oh you're a fool, Hassan! Oh gods, what have I done? I gave up everything for you! My family, my friends, my self-respect, everything I believed in, every hope I ever had..."

"I built you this manor when I could have easily not looked your way ever again! I give you all the things you could possibly need, and yet, this is how you repay me?"

Mama's voice rose strangely. "Do you know what it's like for me to walk down the street of this town? You come and you go when and as you please. No, don't you dare give me that look! You have the image of a perfect life with a perfect little family and everyone knows who you are and they all know what I am. No one looks at me! No one speaks to me... Jade feels it, she's not stupid, she knows! She asked me about it once, all I told her is that we're different from other people. I didn't know what else to say." Her voice broke. "I'm sure to go to the Void for what I've become."

"I'm sick of your guilt and I'm sick of hearing about that child. She's ruining everything between us. Do you remember how happy we were? We never argued. I couldn't wait to come to you, to be with you."

"Don't-"

"And how much time do I have left with you today? Enough? You've used it up on _her_. I told you what would happen, didn't I? I wish she had never been born!"

Mama cried out a terrible name. There was a deafening shout and a loud crash followed. Terrified, Jade got up and ran. She raced through Mama's garden and across the hills onto the pathway and through the trees. Crashing through branches and being picked by thorns, she ran in the cold that was burning in her lungs, until she couldn't run anymore. Gasping, her sides burning, she dropped down into the dead leaves, her shoulders heaving with sobs, her face streaked with tears. She heard a horse galloping toward he outside of the woodwork. Scrambling in the thick bushes for a better hiding place, she peered out and saw her father ride by on his great black horse with it's strange glowing eyes. Ducking down, she huddled there, crying, and waited for Mama to come fetch her.

But Mama didn't come and she didn't call. Jade sat there and waited, even while the silent snow started to pile up on the tall trees of Falkreath. By the time Mama came, it was dark out, and the warmth of her torch was enough refuge to stop Jade's insides from their shaking. She dried her tears silently in her mother's large shawl.

Mama was very pale, her eyes dull and red rimmed. There was a blue mark on the side of her face of what Jade could tell. She had taken the time and tried covering it with powder. She smiled, but it wasn't like her usual smile.

"I've been looking and looking everywhere for you." Jade knew she hadn't. She had been watching for her. Mama put the entire shawl over her, wrapping it twice and hoisting her up. "Your father was called suddenly on business."

"Is he coming back?" Jade was afraid. She never wanted to see him again. He had hurt Mama and made her cry.

"Maybe not for a long time. We'll have to just wait and see. He's a very busy and important man." Jade said nothing, only hugged her mother tightly, hoping she'd never let go. "Hey, it's alright," She brought her head back to get a better look at her, to look straight into her jade orbs. "We'll go home, I'll put on a pot of tea and you'll help me bake a nice Crostata. Does that sound lovely, my dove?"

Jade nodded and put her arms around Mama's neck. Her mouth trembled, and it wasn't because of the chill anymore. She tried her hardest not to cry. If she cried, Mama might guess she's been eavesdropping and then she'd be angry with her too.

Mama held her tightly, her face buried in Jade's ebony hair. "We'll make it through this, sweetheart, don't you worry. _We will_."

* * *

Hassan didn't come back, and Mama grew thin and wan. She stayed in her bed too late, and when she got up, she didn't bother with getting herself washed or dressed. She didn't want to go on any walks the way she used to, and used the wintry weather as an excuse. When she smiled, her eyes didn't light up. Clarice said she needed to eat more. Clarice said a lot of things, carelessly, with Jade close enough to hear.

"He's still sending you money, Miss Adara. That's something."

"I don't care about the money." Mama's eyes filled up. "I've never cared about any of that."

"Yeah, but you'd care if you _didn't _have any."

Jade tried everything to cheer Mama up. She'd bring her bouquets of her favorite flowers. She found pretty stones and washed them, giving them to her as presents. Mama always smiled and thanked her, but there was no sparkle in her eyes. Jade sang the songs Mama had taught her, the sad Morrowind ballads and a tale of heroism from the Dragonborn's return. But Hassan was no Hero...

"Mama, why don't you sing anymore?" Jade asked, climbing up onto the bed with her and setting her doll down in rumpled covers. "I know you'll start feeling better if you'd just sing."

Mama brushed her long coal-black hair slowly. "I don't feel much like singing, darling. Mama has a lot on her mind right now."

Jade felt a heaviness growing inside of her. It was all her fault. All her fault. If she hadn't been born, Mama would sing. She'd be happy and lively. "Will Hassan come back, Mama?"

Mama looked at her, but Jade didn't care. She wouldn't call him Papa anymore. He had hurt Mama and made her sad. Ever since he'd left, Mama had scarcely paid attention to her. Jade even heard her tell Clarice that love wasn't a blessing, it was a curse. Jade glanced at Mama's face, and her heart sank. She looked so sad. Her thoughts were far away again, and Jade knew it was _him _on her mind. Mama wanted him to come back. Mama cried at night because he didn't. Mama pressed her face into her pillow at night, but Jade still heard her sobs.

She chewed on her lip and lowered her head, playing distractedly with her doll. "What if I got sick and died, Mama?"

"You won't get sick," Mama said, glancing at her. She smiled. "You're far too young and healthy to die."

Jade watched her mother brush her hair, an ebony mane rippling down her pale shoulders. She was so beautiful. How could he not love her? "But if I did, Mama, would he come back to be with you?"

Mama went very still. She turned and stared at Jade, and the horrified look in her eyes frightened her. She shouldn't have said that. Now Mama might guess she heard their fight... "Don't you ever think that, my gem."

"But-"

"No! Don't you ever ask such a question like that again. Do you understand?"

Mama had never raised her voice before, especially to her; Jade felt her chin quiver and she fought the tears with all her might. "Yes, Mama."

"Never again," Mama said more gently. "Promise me. None of this has anything to do with you, Jade." Mama reached for her and pulled her into her arms. She began to stroke her hair gently. "I love you so much, Jade. More than anything on this world."

Except for him, Jade thought. Except for Hassan. What if he did come back? What if he made Mama choose? What would Mama do then? Afraid, Jade clung to her mother and prayed he would stay away.


	2. Two

**TWO**

**~.~**

* * *

A young man came to see Mama. Jade watched her mother speak with him while she played with her doll near the fireplace. The only people who came to this manor was a young Boland, who brought the firewood Hassan had paid for, and Boland's one year older brother Solaf. Solaf liked Clarice. He worked at his small Gray Pine Goods store and each time he saw her, he'd always gave her a tiny lump of rubber. Saying it'd protect her from his "giant package". Clarice only laughed at him, Jade never thought he was _that _funny.

The young man gave Mama a letter, but she didn't open it. She served him her famous Snowberry Tea, and he said thank you. He didn't say very much after that, except to talk about the cold weather and how pretty Mama's Deathbells looked peaking through the white snow. He said it was a long ride from whatever town he had come from. Mama gave him biscuits and forgot all about Jade.

She knew something was wrong. Mama sat too straight and she spoke very softly. "She's a pretty little girl," the man said and smiled at her. Jade looked down again, embarrassed, afraid Mama would send her from the room because he had noticed her.

"Yes she is. Thank you."

"She looks like you. Prettier than the moons shining in the night sky."

Mama smiled at her. "Jade, won't you go outside and pick some flowers for the table?"

Jade took her doll and went out without word or argument. She wanted to please Mama. She put on her coat and then took a sharp knife from the kitchen, going out into the flower garden. Mama loved lavender the most. She added Nightshade and then a few tiny white mountain flowers until the straw basket on her arm was full.

When she came back inside, the crackling fire engulfed her, melting her frozen cheeks and red nose. She noticed the young man was gone and quickly hung her coat, pushing the double doors into the living area. The letter was open in Mama's lap. Her eyes were bright and her cheeks were full of lively color once again. She smiled as she folded the letter and tucked it into her sleeve. She stood and came to Jade, lifting her and swinging her around the open room gaily. "Thank you for getting the flowers, my gem." She kissed Jade. When Mama put her down, Jade put the basket on the table, picking up some that had dropped with Mama's twirling.

"I just love flowers," Mama hummed. "They're so lovely, aren't they? Why don't you arrange them this time. I need to find something in the kitchen. Oh, Jade! It's a beautiful, wonderful day, isn't it?"

It was a wretched day, Jade thought, watching her go. She felt sick with dread. She lifted the big vase down from the table and carried it outside, dumping the wilted flowers on the compost. She pumped fresh water into the vase quickly and tread back up to the house. She slid it back on the glass table, adjusting the two wooden chairs back underneath. Jade didn't trim the stems or remove the leaves. She didn't care how they looked, and she knew Mama wouldn't even notice.

The Dragonborn was stopping in for a visit... Hassan was coming back.

Mama returned to the living area with Clarice. "Oh, darling, I've the most wonderful news: Clarice has made some plans to go to Solitude this week and she wants to take you with her. Isn't that grand?"

Jade's heart beat fast and hard. Her mouth dropped unknowingly.

"Isn't that sweet of her?" Mama went on brightly. "She has a friend who owns an inn, and he just loves children. Has one of his own! A friend, doesn't that sound nice?"

Clarice's smile was stiff and cold.

"B-" She looked up at her mother quickly. "But I don't want to go. I want to stay with you here." She knew what was happening. Mama was sending her away because her father didn't want her. Maybe Mama didn't want her now either.

"Nonsense," Mama laughed. "You've never been anywhere but here and you need to see something other than the manor, woods, rain, and snow. Oh and the shore, you will just the docks! Jade, it is so lovely. You can go for a boat ride and even build castles in the sand while Clarice is relaxing in the sun. Just wait until you feel the foam tickle your toes."

Mama looked alive again. Jade knew it had something to do with that letter. Hassan must have written he was coming to see Mama. She wouldn't want another scene like the last time, so that meant getting rid of the cause. She watched her mother's glowing face, and her heart was sinking.

"Come on, now, dove. Let's go get ready to go."

Jade watched her things be folded and stuffed in a dusty old carpetbag. Mama couldn't wait to get rid of her. "Where's your doll?" Mama said, looking around. "You'll want to take her along with you."

"No."

"Why not? You're never without your doll."

"She wants to stay home with you and wait for me to come back."

Mama frowned, but she didn't protest. She didn't pursue her. What good would it do? She wasn't going to change her mind.

Clarice came back for Jade to tell her the carriage was waiting for them outside. The driver took care of their carpetbags, and Clarice lifted Jade into the coach. When the servant climbed in, she sat across from her and smiled. Her brown eyes gleamed. "We're going to have quite the adventure, Jade!"

Jade caught sight of her mother waving them away, her face calm. The door was shut quickly. Jade wanted to jump out of the carriage and run into her mothers arms, but she knew Mama would only send her away again. She clung to the door of the wobbly coach, eyes flicking left to right while others waved at the duo inside. The horse's clanking hooves echoed over the stone bridge, pulling them through all sorts of roads. Everything familiar with Jade was quickly gone from sight, and she sank back against the uncomfortable wooden seat. The further they went, the more desolate she felt.

"We're staying at the Winking Skeever. Unique name, huh?" Clarice said, clearly pleased that Jade seemed content to be quiet. She'd probably expected her to fuss. If she'd though it would chang Mama's mind, she might have done so. She'd never been away from Mama for more than a few hours. But Jade knew it wouldn't change things. Hassan was coming, so she had to go. She sat still and solemn. "They've fine food and decent rooms," Clarice told her. "Not to mention the palace and being close to the sea. There's a beautiful bridge that almost lets you see Morthal and below the surf pounds on the rocks. It's a wonderful sound, and the smell of the salt air is better than anything."

Better than anything...

Jade liked home. She liked Mama's flower garden and the bees that were attracted by them. The woods that surrounded them gave enough adventure. She liked the light patter of the rain on the roof and playing in the mud puddles with Mama or the snow that nipped at her ears and cheeks and having Mama call her in for hot tea.

Fighting tears, she looked out the window again. Her eyes smarted and felt gritty from the dusty road. The hours passed too slowly, the hard pounding of the hooves giving her a headache. She was tired-so tired she could scarcely keep her eyes open, but each time she closed them, the coach would lurch or sway sharply, frightening her awake.

The driver stopped the coach once to change horses and make minor repairs. Clarice took Jade back to the outhouse. When Jade came out, Clarice was nowhere to be seen. Jade ran to the coach, then to the stables, then down the road, crying out Clarice's name.

"Hush that noise! My word, what is the ruckus all about?" Clarice said, hurrying toward her. "One would think you were a chicken without your head the way you were running around."

"Where _were _you?" Jade demanded, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Mama said we were to stay together!"

Clarice's brows arched. "Well excuse me, your ladyship, but I was having a mug of ale." She reached down and snatched Jade's hand roughly, leading her back to the stables.

"We're good from here. You and your kid go get something to eat and we'll leave in an hour."

"She is _not _my kid."

A plump woman stood in the doorway of a small inn, wiping a dented cup with a dirty dishcloth. "What a pretty little girl," she said, smiling at Jade. "You hungry, sweetie? Can get you some of my Venison stew."

Jade lowered her eyes, timid beneath the man's scrutiny. "No thank you, ma'am."

"And polite, too," the woman said.

"Come along, Jade," Clarice said, giving her a nudge inside.

She nodded and allowed them entrance, giving Jade a light pat on the head while ushering her in to a table. "You need to put a little meat on those bones of yours. Eat it all up, and I'll even get you a sweetroll."

Clarice sat down and took up her mug of ale again. "You need to eat something before we leave."

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't care if you're hungry or not," she said in a low voice. "You'll do as you're told."

Jade stared at Clarice, struggling not to cry. Clarice sighed, then reached to pat her face awkwardly. "Just eat something, Jade," she said. Obediently, Jade waited for her food, and once the bowl of Venison stew was place in front of her, she picked up her spoon and began to eat. Mama said this trip was planned for her, but even Clarice acted like she was in the way. It was clear Mama had sent her off to get rid of her.

When they set off in the coach again, Jade was quiet. She sat beside the window and stared out, her small hands clasped in her lap, her back straight. Clarice seemed grateful for silence, finally dozing off. When she awakened, she smiled at Jade.

"Smell the sea air?" she asked. Jade was still sitting in the same position she had been in when Clarice dozed off, but she knew her dusty face had white streaks from the tears she was unable to stop. Clarice just stared at her sadly, then turned to stare out the window.

* * *

They arrived at the stables outside of Solitude just before sunset. Jade clung to Clarice while the driver untied their carpetbags. Jade heard a great roaring like a monster and was afraid. "What's that sound, Clarice?"

"The sea crashing on the rocks. Wonderful noise, isn't it?"

Jade though it was the most fearsome noise she had ever heard. The wind howled in the trees like a wild beast searching for a warm-blooded prey, and when they tread up the steep hill to the gates and in The Winking Skeever it was replaced with loud laughter and shouting men. Jade drew back sharply, not wanting to go inside.

"Woah now," Clarice whispered, pushing her forward. "Take your bag. I've got my own to carry."

Jade dragged her bag to the edge of the door. Clarice shoved the door open with her shoulder and went in, Jade following right behind her. Clarice looked around the open floor, then smiled. Jade followed her gaze and saw a man at the bar, arm-wrestling with a brawny sailor. A short, plump man at the counter was pouring another round of ales, and he spotted Clarice right away. He leaned over to nudge the man who was arm-wrestling and nodded toward the door with a quiet word. The man turned his head slightly, and the sailor, taking advantage of his lack of attention, smashed his arm down on the bar with a shout of triumph. Jade watched in fear as the beaten man surged to his feet and hit the sailor in the right eye, sending him crashing to the floor.

Clarice laughed. As did the entire inn, the howling ratting Jade's core. Jade hid behind Clarice's skirt, whimpering quietly when the big man made his way to Clarice and gave her a sound kiss. Causing more ruckus from the drunkards. When he looked past the brunette to stare at Jade, she thought she may faint from fear. He raised his bushy eyebrows. "A love child? You must've taken up with a pretty fellow by the looks of her."

It was a moment before Clarice had a breath back and knew what he was talking about. "Oh, her. No, Rupert. She's not mine. She's daughter of the lady I work for."

"What's she doing here with you?"

"It's a long, sad story I'd rather not get into just now."

Rupert only nodded, patting her cheek. "How do you like the city life?" He smiled, but Jade didn't think it was a nice smile.

Clarice tossed her head. "It's everything I ever hoped it would be."

He laughed and took her carpetbag. "That's why you're back at The Winking Skeever, eh?" He took Jade's back, too, and grinned boldly, laughing at the way she drew back from him as though he were a Daedra.

Jade had never seen anyone like Rupert. He was very big and black hair and a trimmed beard. He reminded her of the pirate stories Mama told her. His voice was loud and deep, and he looked at Clarice as though he wanted to eat her up. Clarice didn't seem to mind. She paid no attention to Jade and walked across the room. Jade followed, too afraid to be left behind. Everyone was staring at her.

"Hey, Corpulus, give our Clarice a mug of ale!" Rupert shouted at the owner behind the bar who welcomed Clarice with a wink and a grin. Rupert caught Clarice around the waist and lifted her high, plunking her down on the bar, knocking over both empty and full cups of mead. "And some watered wine for this pale lass." He felt her velvet jacket. "Your mama must be rich, eh?"

"Her _papa_ is rich," Clarice snorted. "He's also married."

"Oh." Rupert gave Clarice a mocking grin. "So that's how it is. I thought you was after respectable work."

"It is respectable. Besides, no one looks down their nose at me."

"Do they know you worked in a meadery for six years before you decided to improve your station in life?" He slid his hand down her arm. "Not to mention a little work on the side..."

Clarice glanced at Jade, then brushed his hand away. "Adara knows. She's not one to look down on others. I like her."

"Does this little mite look anything like her?"

"Spitting image. She looks a little like her father, too, though."

Rupert chuckled, taking Jade's chin and stroking her cheek. "Eyes green as jades and hair like the night sky. Your mama must be real pretty if she's anything like you. I'd like to meet her..."

Clarice stiffened, and Jade thought she was angry. Clarice didn't like it too much that Rupert was giving Jade all his attention. She just wished Rupert would just leave her alone, but he kept stroking her cheek. Jade wanted to get as far away from him as possible and just sleep the trip away.

"Oh, leave her alone, Rupert. She's scared enough as it is without you teasing her. This is her first time being away from Adara."

"She is turning even paler, isn't she? Come on, dove, I won't bite. Now drink up." He pushed the watered wine to her. "That's it. A little of this and you won't be scared of nothing." He laughed again when Jade grimaced with distaste. "Is she used to something better?"

"She's used to nothing," Clarice snapped, Jade was sure now that she was angry. Clarice looked at Jade, clearly annoyed at the way she was reacting to Rupert. "Don't be such a coward. He's all wind and little else." Corpulus and the others surrounding the bar laughed, Rupert with them.

Jade wanted to jump down and run from the loud voices, the laughter, and the staring eyes. She gave a soft sob of relief when Clarice reached out to lift her down, then took her by the hand, guiding her to a table. She bit her lip when Rupert followed them. He pulled out a chair and sat down. Whenever mugs got empty, he ordered more. He made jokes, and Clarice laughed a lot. Once he reached under the table, and Clarice pushed him away. But she was smiling, and talking more and more. And her voice sounded funny, like the words were running together.

It was raining outside now, the hard drops pelting against the windowpane. Jade was tired, her eyelids so heavy she could hardly keep them open.

Rupert raised his mug again. "Pup's dragging her sails."

Clarice touched Jade's head. "Cross you arms on the table and sleep awhile." Jade did as she was told, wishing they could leave. Clarice obviously wasn't ready to leave. She seemed to be having a good time, and she kept staring at Rupert and smiling in a way Jade had never seen before.

"Why'd you bring her here with you?" Rupert asked. Jade kept her eyes closed, pretending she was asleep.

"Because her mama is entertaining her fine papa and they both wanted her out of the way." Clarice's words were cold. "Don't do that."

"Don't?" He laughed low. "You know it's what you came here for. What's the matter with those country boys?"

"Nothing. One's even after me to marry him."

"Let's go upstairs and talk about why you came back here."

"What am I supposed to do with her? I was so angry when Adara stuck me with her."

Tears pricked Jade's eyes, and her throat closed up. Didn't anyone want her anymore?

"Seems to me it'd be easy to farm out the pretty little thing. Somebody ought to want her." Rupert grumbled, pity almost meeting his low voice.

"That's what I told Adara, but she just says no. She trusts me. The only thing she's got when her man isn't around to play house is this child. About the only thing Adara knows is how to look pretty and how to grow flowers."

"Wow. I thought you said you liked her..."

"I like her well enough, but anytime His Majesty decides to call and use her up, guess who gets stuck with the brat. It gets tiresome dragging a child around with you, especially one that doesn't even belong to you."

Rupert chuckled. "Well, why don't we just toss her off the point? Maybe her mama and papa would see it as a favor. Might even get a bonus."

Jade's heart pounded.

"That's not funny, Rupert." Clarice's sigh was heavy, annoyed. "I'd better wake her and put her to bed. She's had one long, rough day." She nudged Jade, who looked up in relief. Clarice took her hand. "Come on. We're gonna get you settled in bed now. Say goodnight to Mister Rupert."

He grinned. "I'll see you safely upstairs, m'ladies."

When Clarice opened the door of her double bed room, Rupert held it ajar and came inside. Jade looked at Clarice in alarm. "What're you doing?" Clarice hissed, giving the young child a worried glance. "You can't come in here with me! She'll tell her mother, I'll lose my position for sure."

"I'll take care of that." Rupert bent down and hooked Jade's chin with his forefinger and thumb. "You say anything about me being in this room with ye dear Clarice, I'll cut your little pink tongue out. Understand?" Jade believed him, and nodded her head. He smiled slightly and let her go. She darted to the corner behind the ceiling-high bookshelf and crouched there, trembling and feeling sick. "See?" Rupert crowed gleefully. Obviously pleased with himself. "Nothing to worry about. She won't say a word to us about anyone."

Clarice stared at him, her eyes wide. She looked upset, and Jade hoped she would tell him to leave. "That was terribly cruel," she said, looking at Jade. "He didn't mean it, lovey. He was only fooling. Don't believe a word he says."

"You believe it, girl. I wasn't fooling at all." He caught Clarice, pulling her in to him. "Cruel? Cruel would be putting me out when you know I just want to be with you."

She pushed him away. He reached for her again, and she dodged him-but even Jade could tell the effort was half-hearted. How could Clarice let this man near her?

"I know you, Clarice." Rupert's smile was half-mast, his eyes gleaming. "Why did you come all this way to The Winking Skeever? To see our King Torygg? Just to look at the sea again?"

"It's in my blood as much as yours."

Rupert caught hold of her and kissed her. Clarice struggled, trying to pull away, but he held her tightly. When she relaxed against him, he drew back enough to say, "More than that's in your blood."

"Rupert, no. She's watching-"

"So what?"

He kissed her again, and she fought this time. Jade sat frozen in fear. Maybe he would just kill them both. "No!" Clarice cried angrily. "Get out of here. I can't do this. I'm supposed to be taking care of her!"

He laughed. "I didn't know duty was so important to you." He let her go, but Jade didn't think Clarice looked glad at all. She looked like she was going to cry. Rupert smiled and turned his back to Jade. "Come on, kit."

"What're you doing, Rupert?" Clarice demanded when Jade scrambled to escape him.

"Putting her out. It won't hurt her to sit in the hallway awhile. And don't say no. I know you all to well. Besides, she'll be right outside the door. No one is going to bother her." He ripped the tucked blanket from the wide bed and took a pillow. He motioned to Jade, "Don't make me come get you."

Jade didn't dare disobey.

She followed Rupert out the door and to the left. A small table with two chairs were set up against a wall that overlooked the noisy sailors and bards below. Jade stared up at the burly Redguard, wide-eyed.

"You sit right here and don't move an inch. If you don't stay put than I'll take you down at the docks and feed you to a Slaughterfish. Understand?"

Jade's mouth was dry, and she couldn't make a single word form. She only nodded.

Clarice came to the doorway. "Rupert, we can't just leave her out here. I thought I saw a rat just now."

"She's too small for rats to bother her. She'll be fine." He patted Jade's cheek. "Won't you? You stay out here until Clarice calls for you. Don't you move until she does."

"Y-yes, sir," she stammered, her voice catching in her throat.

"See?" He straightened and turned Clarice around, pushing her back into the room. He closed the door firmly behind them.

Jade heard Rupert talking and Clarice giggling. Then the giggles turned into low grunts and heavy panting and Jade became afraid. She wanted to run away from the sounds they made, but remembered what Rupert had said he would do if she moved. Terrified, she covered her head with the thick blanket and pressed her hands over her ears.

The silence that followed grew heavy. Jade strained her ears, only to hear that everything had went quiet. The songs and hollers below. The noises from the bedroom. Even the snores from the other room. Though all was silent, she felt eyes watching her. What if it was the rat Clarice had spoken about? Her heart was like a drum, her whole body wracked with it's beat. She heard soft scratching and drew her legs tight against her chest, staring down the dark hallway and down the stairs. Shadows forming in her vision.

The door clicked open, and she jumped. Rupert came out. She pressed herself back, hoping he wouldn't notice her. He didn't. He had forgotten she existed, just like everyone else. He didn't even glance her way as he went down the hall toward the stairs. Clarice would fetch her now. Clarice would bring her out of the cold and let her sleep in the big bed with her.

Minutes passed, then an hour, and another.

Clarice didn't come out for her. Curling in the blanket and pressing against the wall, Jade waited-as she had waited for Mama the day Hassan had come.

* * *

Clarice's head ached when she awakened with the sunlight on her face. She had drunk too much ale last night and her tongue felt as if it was swollen. She stretched out her hand, but Rupert was gone. It was like him. She wasn't going to worry about that just now. After last night, how could he deny he loved her? She needed some hot tea. Rising, she washed her face in the basin and put on her clothes. Opening the door, she saw the child huddled up in her blanket, her green eyes darkly shadowed.

"Oh!" Clarice said faintly. She had forgotten all about her charge. Fear and guilt attacked her. What if Adara found out she'd left her daughter in a hallway, backed up against a cold stone wall, for an entire night. She picked Jade up and carried her into the room. Her little hands were like ice, and she was so white.

"Don't tell your mama," she said tearfully. "It'll be your fault if she lets me go." She grew angry to be put in such a precarious situation, her position in the hands of a child. "Why didn't you come to bed last night the way you were supposed to? Rupert told you to come back inside when he left."

"No, he didn't. He said not to move until you fetched me," Jade whispered wretchedly, beginning to cry at Clarice's anger.

"Don't lie! I heard him! He didn't say that at all!"

Jade cried harder, looking confused and frightened. "I'm sorry, Clarice. I'm so sorry." The little girl's eyes were wide and red-rimmed. "Please don't tell Rupert. Don't let him toss me off the docks and feed me to the Slaughterfish like he said he would."

"Hush! Stop crying," Clarice said, calming down. "Crying doesn't do you any good. Has it ever done anything for your mama?" Filled with remorse, she pulled Jade into her arms and held her. "We won't tell anyone. We'll keep this between the two of us."

Corpulus propped his young son on the bar, giving him a sweetroll. Saying something about Rupert had started his sail back to Hammerfell. Clarice got drunk that night. She put Jade to bed early and went back to the ruckus below, hoping Rupert would come in later. He didn't. She stayed a little longer, laughing with other men and pretending didn't care. Then she took a bottle of Argonian blood wine upstairs. Jade was sitting up in bed, wide awake, her eyes huge.

Clarice wanted to talk. She wanted to vent on what an arrogant pig Rupert is. She hated him for breaking her heart again. She had let him do it to her so many times before. When would she learn to say no to him? Why had she come back? She should've known what would happen, what always happened.

"I'm going to tell you something, little girl. You listen good." She took a long drink and swallowed down the tears and misery and let the bittlerness and anger rise and flow. "All men want to do is use you. When you give them your heart, they tear it to shreds." She drank more, and her voice slurred. "None of 'em care. Take your fine papa. Does he care about your mama? No. But she's under the illusion that he does."

Jade dug frantically beneath the covers and plugged her ears. So the little princess didn't want to hear the awful truth? Well, that was just too bad. Furious, Clarice dragged the blanket off of her. When Jade scrambled away, Clarice grabbed her by the legs and dragged her back. "Sit up and listen to me!" She pulled the child up and shook her. "Look at me!" Clarice raged, not satisfied till obeyed.

Jade stared at her with wide broadened eyes, terrified. She trembled violently. Clarice eased her grip. "Your mama told me to take care good care of you," she said. "Well, I am going to take care of you. I'm going to tell you about this little illusion. So you listen and you learn." She let go and Jade sat very still.

Glaring daggers at the little girl, Clarice dropped into the chair by the window and took another swig of the green bottle. She pointed, trying to steady her hand. "Your fine papa doesn't care about anyone, least of all you. And all he cares about your is what she's willing to give him. And she gives him everything. He shows up when he pleases, uses her up, then rides of to his fine home in Whiterun with his aristocrat wife and well-bred children. And your mother? She lives for the next time he can do it all again."

She watched Jade inch back until she was pressed tightly against the headboard of the bed. As though that would protect her. Nothing protected a woman from the cold hard facts. Clarice gave a sad laugh and shook her head.

"She's a sweet stupid fool. She waits for him and falls on her face to kiss his feet when he comes back. You know why he went away for so long? Because of you. He can't stand the sight of a bastard like you. Your mama cries and begs, and what good does it do for her? Sooner or later, he's gonna get tired of her and toss her into the trash. And you with her. That's the one thing you can count on.

Jade was crying now, and she reached up to wipe tears from her cheeks.

"Nobody cares about anybody in this world," Clarice said, feeling sadder and morose by the second. "We all just use each other up in one way or another. To feel good. To feel bad. To feel nothing at all. The lucky ones are real good at it. Like Rupert. Like the "hero" Hassan. The rest of us just take what we can get."

Jade watched as Clarice kept mumbling, sagging deeper into the chair, until her chin rested on her chest and she fell asleep. She slept loudly, drool dripping from the corner of her sagging mouth.

Jade sat up in the rumpled bed, shivering and wondering if Clarice was right. But deep inside of her, something told her she was. If her father cared, would he have wanted her dead? If Mama cared, would she have sent her away?

An illusion? What was the illusion?

They left the next morning. Jade never once got to glimpse the sea.


	3. Three

**THREE**

**~.~**

* * *

When they arrived home, Mama pretended everything was fine, but Jade knew something was terribly wrong. There were boxes out, and Mama was packing her things.

"We're going to go visit you grandmother and grandfather," Mama said brightly, but her eyes looked dull and dead. "They've never seen you." She turned to Clarice and told her she was sorry to dismiss her, and Clarice said that was fine. She had decided to marry Solaf after all. Mama said she hoped Clarice would be very happy, and Clarice went away.

Jade awakened in the middle of the night. Mama wasn't in bed, but Jade could hear her. She followed the sound down the stairs and through the living area. In the kitchen, grabbing her mother's shawl, and out the door. What was Mama doing outside in the middle of the night?

Moonlight glistened on the still, white snow. Jade saw her mother kneeling in her thin white nightgown, ripping away at her beautiful flowers. Handful after handful, she yanked the plants up by the roots and flung them in all directions, weeping and talking to herself as she did. She picked up the knife Jade left there the day she picked flowers, and came to her feet. She went down again on her knees beside her beloved Deathbells. One after another, she cut the roots. Every last one of them. The she bent forward and sobbed, rocking herself back and forth, the knife still in her hand. Jade sank down onto the first step, hiding in the darkness, her hands covering her head.

* * *

They rode in a coach all the next day and slept that night in an inn. Mama said little, and Jade held her doll pressed tightly against her chest. There was one bed in the room, and Jade slept contentedly in her mother's arms. When she awakened in the morning, Mama was sitting at the window and running her Amulet of Mara through her fingers as she prayed in a hushed whisper. Jade listened, not understanding, as her mother repeated over and over.

"You gave me this curse of love, now show me Yours. Show me Yours..."

They rode another day in another coach and came to a tall stone city. Mama was tense and pale. The guard allowed them into Markarth, escorting them up long sets of cobblestone stairs and up to a large palace with the name Understone Keep.

In the midst of the vast hall, Mama brushed Jade's velvet jacket from the tiny pieces of lint. She took Jade's hand, and they walked up another long strip of golden stairs with large Dwemer artifacts sitting around like trophies. Guards nodded in their direction, some even bowed, but none made eye contact. She was stopped by an elderly woman, who moved fast from the opposite side of the palace. Her long gray hair flowing behind her as she moved, her hiked green dress pooling around her as she stopped in front of them.

She stared and stared at Mama until her green eyes filled with tears. "Oh, Adara. Oh my. _Oh_..."

"I've come home, Mother," Mama said. "Please let me come home."

"It's not that easy, my child. You know it's not that easy."

"I've nowhere else to go."

The beautiful lady looked down at Jade. She gave a weak smile before more tears over took her. "I don't have to ask if this is your child," she said with a sad smile "She looks just like you; very beautiful."

"Please, Mama."

The lady took her hand and led her into a room with lots of books and tall soldiers dressed in gold. The looked down at her and sneered. Mama only looked at Jade with a broad smile, "All will be well, my gem."

"I'll speak with your father," Grandmother said and went away. Mama began to pace, wringing her hands back and forth. She paused once and closed her eyes, her lips moving. The lady came back, her face white and lined, her cheeks wet. "No," she said. One word. That was all. No. Mama took a step toward the door, and the lady stopped her. "He'll only say things that will hurt you more."

"Hurt? How could I possibly hurt anymore, Mama?"

"Adara, please, don't..."

"I'll beg. I'll get down on my knees. I'll tell him he was right. He _was _right."

"It won't do any good, my love. He said as far as he's concerned his daughter is dead."

Adara swept past her. "I'm not dead!" The lady gestured for Jade to stay in the room, one Elf even crouched down to hold on to her shoulder. Jade didn't mind him. The woman hastened after Mama, shutting the door with a loud click. Jade waited, hearing distant voices from the throne room.

"Didn't know Jarl Igmund had any children." A beautiful accent filled Jade's ears. She turned seeing a woman without her golden helmet talking to the man that held Jade. Her blonde hair tucked behind her pointy ears.

"From what I've heard, he's made it very clear he doesn't. Adara's failed him and us. She is not his child."

Mama came back after a while. Her face was white, but she wasn't crying anymore. "Come on, darling," she said in a dull tone. Brushing the Thalmor's hand off of Jade. "We're leaving."

They hurried out of the room and down the golden stairs, Mama holding her head high while the whispers were painfully obvious. "Adara!" the lady hollered, running behind them. "Oh, Adara!" she sobbed, holding Mama in her arms. Before letting go, she pressed something into her hand. "It's all that can go unnoticed. My dear, I love you, never forget that. I'm so sorry... So sorry..."

Mama didn't say anything. A man's voice echoed around them, loud, angry, and demanded. "I have to go," Grandmother said. Mama nodded and turned away.

When they reached the same gate they had entered, Adara opened her hand and looked at the money her mother had placed in it. She gave a soft broken laugh. After a moment, she took Jade's hand and walked on, tears streaming down her cheeks.

* * *

Mama sold her diamond necklace and gold ring. She and Jade lived in an inn until the money gave out. Mama sold her music box, and for a while they lived quite comfortably in an inexpensive bunkhouse. Finally, she asked Jade to give back the jeweled heart, and with the money they got for it, they lived a long time in a rundown inn before Mama found and settled them for good in a shack on the outskirts of Soliutude.

Jade finally saw the sea. There was garbage floating in it. But still she liked it very much.

Sometimes she would go down and sit on the wharf. She liked the salt smell and the ships coming in loaded with cargo. She liked the sounds of the water lapping at the pillars beneath her and the seagulls overhead.

There were rough men at the docks and sailors who came around the world. Some came to visit, and Mama would ask Jade to wait outside until they left, They never stayed very long. Sometimes they pinched her cheek and said they would come back when she got bigger. Some even said she was prettier than Mama, but Jade knew that wasn't true.

She didn't like them. Mama laughed when they came around and acted as though she were happy to see them. But when they went away, she cried and drank mead until she fell asleep in the rumpled bed by the door.

At ten years old, Jade wondered if Clarice was right about that strange illusion. An illusion that did nothing but ruin the happy and kill the love inside.

Then Uncle Octieve came around, and things got better. Not as many men came to visit, though they still did when Uncle Octieve didn't have coins to jingle in his pockets. He was lean and tall, and Mama treated him with affection. They slept together in the bed by the door, and Jade had the bedroll on the floor.

"He's a bit old," Mama said to her, "but he has a kind heart and he tries to provide for us. Times are hard, darling, and sometimes he can't. He needs Mama's help."

Sometimes he just wanted to sit outside of the door and get drunk and sing songs about women.

When it rained, he would go to Solitude and stay at the inn with his friends. Jade still hated the Winking Skeever, so she always waited outside the door until Mama called for her.

Mama did nothing but drink and sleep. To pass the time, Jade found empty mead bottles and would break them. Then shine the glass pieces and put them in different shapes. Some she would keep to catch the rain that'd stream of the roof, listening to the music the drops made.

Clarice had been right about crying, too. Crying did no good. Mama cried and cried until Jade wanted to cover her ears and never hear her again. All Mama's crying never changed anything.

When the other children mocked Jade and called her mother terrible names, she looked at them and said nothing. What they said was true; you couldn't argue with it. Denying it wasn't going to change anything, either. When she felt the tears coming up, building like a great hard pressure inside her, hot, so hot, she thought they would burn, she swallowed them down deeper and deeper until they became a hard little stone in her chest. She learned to look back at her tormentors and smile with cold arrogance and disdain. She learned to pretend that nothing they said could touch her. And sometimes she convinced herself that nothing did.

* * *

The winter that Jade was eleven, Mama became ill. She didn't want a doctor. She said all she needed was rest. But she kept getting worse, her breathing more labored. "Take care of my little girl, Octieve." Mama said. She smiled the way she did long ago.

She died the next morning, the first sunlight of spring on her face and her Amulet of Mara in her dead-white hands. Octieve wept violently, but Jade had no tears. The heaviness inside her seemed almost too great to bear. When Octieve went out for a while, she lay down beside Mama and put her arms around her.

Mama was cold and stiff. Jade wanted to warm her. Jade's eyes felt gritty and hot. She closed them tightly and whispered over and over, "Wake up, please. Mama, wake up. Wake up." When she didn't, Jade couldn't stop the tears. "I want to go with you. Gods take me too, I want to go with my mama!" She wept until exhaustion overtook her and only awakened when Octieve lifted her away from the bed. Men were with him.

Jade saw they meant to handle Mama and she screamed at them to leave her alone. Octieve held her tight, almost smothering her in his foul smelling chest, while the others began wrapping Mama in a sheet. Jade went silent when she saw what they had done. Octieve let her go, and she sat down hard on the floor and didn't move.

The men talked as though she wasn't there. Maybe she wasn't anymore. Maybe she was different, the way Mama once said.

"I bet Adara was real pretty once," one said as he began sewing the blanket closed over Mama's face.

"She's better off dead," Octieve said, crying again. "At least now she's not unhappy. She's free, now, in Sovngarde."

_Free, _Jade thought. _Free of me. If I hadn't been born, Mama would live in a nice manor in the country with flowers all around. Mama would be happy. Mama would be alive. _

"Wait a minute," said another, and pried the Amulet from Mama's hand and dropped it in Jade's lap. "I bet she woulda wanted you to have that, honey." He finished the stitching while Jade ran her fingers over the bumps of the jewels and stared at nothing.

They all went away, Mama with them. Jade sat alone for a long time wondering if Octieve would keep his promise to take care of her. When night came and he didn't come back, Jade went down to the docks and flung the necklace into the sea. "What good are you?" she cried out to the heavens.

No answer came.

She remembered Mama going to the Temple and talking to the woman in the robe. She talked a long time, and Mama had listened, her head bowed, tears running down her cheek. Mama never went back, but sometimes she would still sift the amulet through her slender fingers and stand in the open doorway while the rain poured.

"What good are you?!" Jade screamed. "Tell me!" A sailor looked at her oddly as he passed by.

Octieve didn't come back for two days and when he did, he was so drunk he didn't remember who she was. She sat cross-legged with her back to the fire, looking at him. He was maudlin, sloppy tears running down his bearded cheeks. Every time he raised the half-empty bottle by its neck, she watched his Adam's apple bob. After a while, he fell over and snored, the rest of the mead running through the cracks in the floor. Jade put the blanket over him and sat beside him.

"It's all right, Octieve, I can take care of you now." She couldn't do it the way Mama did, but she would find some way.

* * *

Rain drummed against the window. She was glad, she told herself, really glad. No one would come knocking at the door. No one would bother them anymore.

Octieve was guilt-ridden in the morning. He cried again. "I gotta keep my promise to Adara, else she won't rest in peace." He held his head in his hands and peered at her with bloodshot, sad eyes. "What am I going to do with you, kid? I need a drink. Bad." He looked in the cupboards and found nothing but a loaf of bread. He ate half, leaving the rest for her. "I'm going out awhile and think things through. Gotta talk to a few friends. Maybe they can help."

Jade lay on the bed and pressed Mama's pillow against her face, comforting herself with the lingering scent of her mother. She waited for Octieve to come back. As the hours passed, the trembling started deep inside her.

It was cold and the snow was falling. She lit the fire and ate the bread. Shivering, she dragged a blanket from the bed and wrapped herself in it. She sat as close to the fire as she could.

The sun was going down and the silence was like death. Everything slowed inside her and she thought if she closed her eyes and relaxed, she could stop breathing and die. She tried to concentrate on that, but she heard a man's voice, talking and excited. It was Octieve.

"You'll be pleased. I swear. She's a good kid. Looks like Adara. Pretty. Real pretty. Smart, too."

She was relieved when he opened the door. He wasn't drunk, just lightly in his cups, his eyes bright and merry. He was smiling for the first time in weeks. "Everything's going to be fine now, kid," he said and brought another man into the shack with him.

The stranger's eyes were hard, he looked at her with them and she drew back. "Stand up," Octieve said, helping her. "This gent's come to meet you. He works for a man who wants to adopt a little girl."

Jade didn't know what Octieve was talking about, but she knew she didn't like the man who had come with him. He came toward her, and she tried to move behind Octieve, but Octieve held her in front of him. The stranger cupped her chin and lifted her face, turning it from side to side to study her. When he let her go, he took up a handful of her black hair and rubbed it between his fingers.

"Nice," he said and smiled. "Real nice. He'll like this one."

Her heart drummed wildly. She looked up at Octieve, but he sensed nothing wrong.

"She looks like her mother," Octieve said, his voice breaking.

"She's thin and dirty."

"We're poor," Octieve said piteously.

Unhooking a large coin purse from his belt, the man handed it to Octieve with a smug expression. "Clean her up and get her some descent clothes. Then bring her here." He gave him an address and left.

Octieve whooped. "Things're lookin' up for you, kid," he said, grinning. "Didn't I promise your mama I'd take good care of you?" He took her hand and walked her quickly to another shack several minutes away. A woman with a thick shawl wrapped around her answered his knock. Her straight brown hair fell about the fabric and she had circles shadowing her hazel eyes.

"I need your help, Evette." After he explained all, she frowned and chewed on her lower lip.

"You sure about this, Papa? You weren't just drunk like you always are, were you? It don't sound right somehow. Didn't he give a name or nothin'?"

"I didn't ask him, but I know who he works for. Dudly was the one to tell me about him. Said the gent who wants to adopt her as rich as the High King himself and way up in the government."

_Sounds like Hassan. _Jade thought momentarily.

"If he's all you're saying, then why's he looking on the docks for a daughter?"

"It don't matter, does it? It's the best chance she's got, and I promised Adara." His voice trembled with tears.

"Now don't you get me started on that harlot you kept going back to. Papa, I'll help. You go get something to eat and I'll fix her up by the time you're finished." He went, and Evette rummaged through her wardrobe till she found something soft and light. "I'll be right back," she said and took a bucket to get water. When she came back, she warmed some in a pot. "Now, you wash good. No man wants a dirty girl." Jade did as she was told, fear growing in her belly.

Evette washed her hair with the rest of water. "You've the prettiest hair I ever did see. Black as night. And you've got the prettiest green eyes, too."

The woman altered the creme colored tunic and braided Jade's hair into the tight bun. Jade remembered her Mama doing the same thing back at the manor the first time she met Hassan. Or had she dreamed all that? Evette put pink paint on Jade's cold cheeks and lips and rubbed it in gently. "You're so pale. Don't be scared, dove. Who'd hurt someone as precious as you?"

* * *

Octieve came back the next morning, the sun not even up yet. He was drunk and had no coins jingling in his pocket. His eyes were wide, blank, and full of confused pain. "Well, Jade. I guess this it, huh?"

She hugged him tightly, "Don't send me away, Octieve. Keep me with you. You be my father."

Evette frowned. Shaking her head, mumbling a few words, she went to another room.

"Yeah? And what am I to do with a kid, huh?" He pried her loose and looked down at her with a sad smile. "I've got enough problems."

"You won't have to do anything. I can take care of myself. I can take care of you."

"How you gonna do that? You ain't old enough to make money. You going to steal, like me? No. You move in with Mister Money and have a good life. Now, come on."

They walked a long time. It was getting darker and Jade grew afraid of the shadows. She clung tightly to Octieve's hand. They passed farms and inn, loud animals and shouting and singing hurting her ears. They went down streets lined with tall trees and big fancy houses, the likes of which she had never seen before. The lit windows looked like great glowing eyes following her every movement. She didn't belong, and they knew it and wanted her gone. Shivering, Jade hung close to Octieve's side as he asked guards for directions, showing them the slip of wrinkled paper.

Jade's legs ached and her stomach growled. Octieve stopped and looked at the big manor flanked with others that were similar. "Ain't this a grand place!" He stared in awe.

No flowers. Stone. Cold. Dark. Jade was too exhausted to care and sat down on the bottom step that led to the gate that allowed them entrance. She felt miserable, wishing she were back in the shack by the docks with the smell of the sea drifting in on the tide.

"Come on, kid. Couple more steps and you're home. You can rest all you want inside." Octieve said, pulling her up. She stared fearfully at the huge stone eagle that perched high above the wide door. It's eyes seeming to glare down at the two hatefully. Octieve took the silver ring on the door and banged it against the door. "Fancy," he said.

A man in a strange suit of armor opened the door and gave Octieve a derisive lookover. Octieve handed him the paper before he could shut the door in his face. The man studied it, then opened the door wide enough for them to enter. "This way," he said coolly.

Inside it was warm and smelled sweet. A wide room opened before Jade, and in it lay a glorious carpet, with all sorts of ancient writing sewn on it, just small slits of shining wood floor peeping around it. Above was a wide antlered chandelier. She had never seen anything so fine. _Sovngarde must be something like this, _she thought wonderingly.

A red-haired woman with blue eyes and a full, red mouth came to greet them. She was wearing a beautiful black dress with the sleeves cutting off at her shoulders and showed off her full breasts. She looked down at Jade and frowned slightly. Her eyes flashed at Octieve and then met Jade's again more gently. She bent and extended her hand. "My name is Kaitly. What's yours, dear?"

Jade just looked at her and drew back behind Octieve.

"She's shy," he told her apologetically. "Don't mind her."

Kaitly straightened and looked at him with hard eyes. "You sure you know what you're doing, mister?"

"Sure, I know. This is some place you have here, ma'am. Nothing like the dump we've been living in."

"Up the stairs to the left," Kaitly said in a dull voice. "First door on the right. Wait here." She reached out before Octieve took two steps and stopped him. "Unless you're smart and take my advice. Leave now. Take her home."

"Why would I want to do that?"

"You won't see her again after tonight."

Jade's head went back and forth, catching their expressions. Utterly confused.

He shrugged. "She ain't mine anyway. Is he here? The big man, I mean."

"He will be shortly, and you'll keep your mouth shut if you've any sense in your head."

Octieve headed for the stairs. Jade wanted to run back out of the door, but he had a firm hold on her hand. She looked back and saw the woman in black watching her. She had a pained look on her face.

Everything in the upstairs room was big: the wooden dresser, the stone fireplace, the teak desk, the double bed. A malachite washstand stood in the corner, along with a bronze towel rack. All the candles were lit, a few gems pressed into the waxy center, and the the drapes for the windows were bloodred. They were closed tightly so no one could see in. Or out.

"Sit over there and rest, kid," Octieve said, patting her back and pointing toward a wing chair. It was exactly like the one Mama used to sit in at the manor. Jade's heart suddenly started to race. Could it be the same one? What if her father had been sorry? What if he had been looking for Mama and her all this time and had found out where she was and what had happened? What if he was sorry about all the awful things he had said about her, and they weren't true? That he wanted her after all. Her heart beat faster and faster as hope and desperation and fear filled her.

Octieve went to a table near the window. "Will you look at this." He ran his fingers lovingly over a set of crystal bottles. He took the stopper out of one and sniffed the amber fluid inside. "Oh, my..." With a sigh, he brought it to his lips and tipped it. Gulping half of what was inside, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Closest I'll ever get to Sovngarde." He took the stopper from another and poured a little into the one from which he had drunk. He held them up to see if they were even again, then put them down carefully and fitted the stoppers in place.

He opened the armoire and went through it, tucking something in his pocket. Then he went to the desk and went through it as well, tucking more things into his pockets.

Jade heard faint laughter. Her eyes were heavy and she rested her head against the wing chair. When would her father come?Octieve went back to the glass bottles and drank from another two.

"Enjoying my custom mead, are you?" came a deep, low voice.

Jade glanced up in surprise. She stared, her heart sinking. It wasn't her father at all. It was a tall, pale stranger. His eyes were blue, and they glittered with the glow of the candlelight. She thought she had never seen a face so cold, nor so handsome. He was dressed in the same, strange black armor.

Octieve shoved a stopper back into the crystal decanter and put it back on the silver tray. "Haven't had anything so fine in my life," he said. Jade noticed how his face paled as the man stared at him with those strange eyes. Octieve cleared his throat and shifted. He seemed nervous.

The man took off his helmet and placed it on the desk. Then he took off his gauntlets and dropped them into it.

Jade was so fascinated by the man that she failed at first to notice the other man standing just behind him. She blinked in surprise. It was the same man who had come to their shack and looked her over. She pressed back against the chair. The second man was watching Octieve, his eyes like a rats: dark and beady. She looked at the fine gentleman and found him looking at her with a faint smile. But somehow that smile didn't make her feel better. It made her insides shiver. Why was he looking at her like that, as though he were hungry and she was something he wanted to eat?

"What's her name?" he asked without taking his eyes off of her.

Octieve's mouth opened slightly and he looked dumbfounded. "I dunno." He gave an uneasy, befuddled laugh, clearly drunk.

"What did her mother call her?" the man said dryly.

"Dove, gem, darlin'... but you can call her whatever you like."

The man gave a short, humorless laugh and dismissed Octieve with a contemptuous glance. He studied Jade carefully. She was scared, so scared that when he walked toward her, she couldn't move. He smiled again when he stopped, his eyes shining oddly. He unbuckled a fat coin purse from his belt and tossed it to Octieve without even looking at him.

Octieve took it eagerly, squeezing the bulky purse until clipping it onto his own belt. "Thank you, sir. Oh my, when old Dudly told me it was you lookin' for a daughter, I couldn't believe the kid's luck. And she ain't had much in her life, I can tell you."  
He rattled on, saying the gentleman's name twice, too drunk and too stupid to see the change in the man's face.

But Jade saw.

He was furious, but more than that. He looked...Jade shivered again. She wasn't sure how he looked, but it wasn't good. She glanced at Octieve, feeling panic build inside her again. He rambled on, trying to flatter and cajole the man standing before her, not even noticing the subtle signal being passed from the gentleman to the man behind Octieve. A scream tore at Jade's throat, but it didn't come out. It couldn't. Her voice was frozen in terror as the rest of her. She watched in horror as Octieve kept talking. He didn't stop until the black cord was looped around his neck. His eyes bugged. Choking, he clawed at his neck, drawing his own blood with his dirty fingernails.

Jade bolted from her chair and ran to the door. She twisted and pulled at the knob trying to escape, but the door wouldn't open. She heard Octieve struggling, his feet kicking and scraping as he was being strangled. She pounded her fists on the wood and screamed.

A hard hand clamped over her mouth and yanked her away from the door. She kicked and bit and fought - and gained absolutely nothing. The man's body was stone, and he caught hold of her arms and held them pinned painfully tight with one hand while the other clamped harder over her mouth.

Octieve was silent.

"Carry him out of here," the man holding her said, and she got a glimpse of Octieve on the floor, the black cord still around his neck, his face grotesquely distorted. The man who had come to the shack unloosened the cord and slipped it back into his pocket. Pulling Octieve up, he draped him over his shoulder.

"Everyone will think he's drunk."

"Before you dump him off the bridge, make sure to go through his pockets and bring back what he stole from me." the cold voice said above her.

"Yes, sir."

Jade heard the door open and close.

When the man let her go, she ran to the farthest corner of the room and cowered there. He stood in the middle of the room looking at her for a long time. Then he went to the malachite stand and poured water into the stone bowl. He wrung out a white cloth and walked toward her. She pressed back as far as she could. He hunkered down and grasped her chin.

"You're much too pretty for paint," he said and began to wash her face.

She shuddered violently at his touch. She looked at the place where Octieve had lain. The man tipped her chin back.

"I don't think that drunken lout was your father. He's much too old and you look nothing like him. There's intelligence in your eyes." He finished washing the rouge from her cheeks and mouth and tossed the cloth aside. "Look at me, little one."

When Jade did, her heart pounded until her whole body shook with terror.

He held her face so she couldn't look away. "As long as you do exactly what I tell you to do, we're going to get along fine." He smiled faintly and stroked her cheek, his eyes glowing strangely. "What's your name?"

Jade couldn't answer.

He touched her ebony hair, her throat, her pale arm. "It doesn't matter. I think I'm going to call you Luna. Seeing as you're as beautiful as the moons." Straightening, he took her hand. "Come on now, Luna. I have things to teach you." He lifted her and sat her on the big bed. "You can call me Legate, when you get your tongue back." He removed his chest plate. "Which you will. Shortly." He smiled again as he removed his shoulder guards and slowly began to untie his thin, white undershirt.

And by morning, Jade knew that Clarice had told her the truth about everything.


	4. Four

**FOUR**

**~.~**

* * *

**Riften, 4E 413**

Luna pushed the canvas flap back just enough to look out at the dirt path. She shivered in the cold afternoon air, that carried with it a stench of disenchantment.

Lady Luck was nothing but a rundown, a retired stable outside of Riften. The "building" nothing more than rotting wood built up with tearing sails from abandoned ships; like some sort of camp inhabited by outcasts and aristocrats, the displaced and dispossessed, the once pampered and now impecunious. It wed black despair and the foul taste of failure.

Smiling cynically, Luna saw a man preaching the glorious faith of Mara, while on the other corner of the building a Khajiit slipped a pouch of Moonsugar in a passerby's pocket. Everywhere she looked, there were desperate men, exiled from home and family, seeking escape from the purgatory forged by their own decaying hopes for a future.

These same fools called her a goddess and sought solace where they were most assured of finding none - from her. They drew lots for her favor, twelve septims of the shiniest gold, payable in advance to Sybil, madam of the Lady Luck, the upstairs bedroom where she lived. Any comer could have Luna for one half hour. Her own meager percentage would be kept under lock and key and guarded by a woman-hating giant by the name of Abhorn. As for the rest -those sad unfortunates who lacked the price to sample her talents- they would stand knee-deep in the cistern if it came to it, just waiting for a chance glimpse of "the fair moon". And she lived a year and a month in this place that was unfit for anything but business. When would it end? How had all her desperate plans brought her here, to this horrible place of dirt and broken dreams?

Riften seemed the right place. All she had ever heard of was the amount of gold people were willing to leave lying around for someone to take. To spend it on nonsense, or give it away on the Dibellan arts.

"No more right now," Sybil was saying, ushering several men away. "I know you've been waiting, but Luna's tired, and you want her best, don't you?" Men complained and threatened, pleaded and bargained, but Sybil knew when Luna had reached her limit of endurance. "She needs a rest. Come back this evening. Drinks on the house."

Relieved that they were gone, Luna let go of the tent flap and went back to lie on the rumpled bed. She stared blankly at the canvas ceiling. Sybil had announced this morning that Jarl Asgeir Snow-Shod had finally accepted their request on moving into the rundown Fishery, and the girls would be doing so tomorrow. Luna was ready to have four walls around her again. At least when the cold night wind would not blow in on her through splits in the rotting sailcloth. She hadn't thought how much four walls meant to her when she paid passage on a barkentine destined for Black Marsh. Then, all she had been thinking about was escape. All she had seen was her chance for freedom. The mirage had dissolved soon enough when she reached the gangplank and learned she was one of five women aboard a ship with 32 vigorous men, all of whom had nothing on their mind but adventure. The four hard-eyed prostitutes set to work right away, but Luna had tried to stay in her cabin. Withing a fortnight, she saw clearly that she had one simple choice: go back to being a prostitute or be raped. What did it really matter anyway? What else did she know? She might as well line her pockets with gold like the others. Maybe then, just maybe, she could buy her freedom.

She survived the rough seas, the foul-tasting stews and rotten mammoth steak, the cramped quarters, and the stops at every post in Tamriel. Then, amid the excitement at the docking, the final blow was struck.

The four other prostitutes set upon her in her cabin. By the time she regained consciousnesses, they were somewhere in Morrowind with all her money and every possession she owned. All that was left was the clothes on her back. What was worse, not even one sailor remained aboard to row her ashore.

Beaten and numb with confusion, she sat huddled in the bow of the ship for two days before the captain noticed her. He told her the ship had made it's way back to Skyrim and would be docking in Windhelm later that night. After taking what he wanted from her, he helped her off the boat, and through the cat-calls from sailors and shivers from the snow that fell hard, she kept her head high and walked away.

She wandered for several days, hiding her face and hair beneath a soiled blanket one man was kind enough to give her. She was hungry; she was cold; she was resigned. Freedom was a dream.

She made her way by doing miscellaneous work around Shor's Stone, an old abandoned village where she settled, with nothing but a nonactive forge and a dusty mine. She'd chop wood, and Sylgja would scrounge up as much gold as she could spare. It was that until one day she met Sybil, a woman well past her prime but possessed of a shrewd mind for business, found her and talked her into heading to the gold city.

"I've got four other girls, a Breton from High Rock, sold to me all the way from Summerset Isle, and two dark girls who look like they came off an empty ash-yam cargo from Morrowind. A little food will fatten 'em up. Ah, but now, _you_. First time I saw you, I thought _there's _a girl who can get rich with the right management. A girl with your beauty could make her fortune with simply batting an eye in the right way. Those young sailors and miners, husbands and elder, will fight each other to put that gold right in your hand."

On an agreement that Luna would turn over eighty percent of her earnings, Sybil promised to see that she was protected from bodily harm. "And I'll see you have the best clothing, food, and lodgings available."

Luna found the irony laughable. She had fled from Legate and fallen straight into the hands of Sybil, the Queen of the Harlots. Just her luck.

For all her seeming benevolence, Sybil was a greedy tyrant. Luna knew she collected bribes to fix the lots, while not a single septim found its way into the girls' pouches. The tips left for services well-rendered were divided according to the original agreement. Mona, the Breton slave girl, tried to hide her gold once, and Abhorn-with his cruel smile and ham-sized hands-was sent in to "have a talk with her."

Luna hated her life. She hated Sybil. She hated Abhorn. She hated her own wretched helplessness. Most of all she hated the men for their relentless quest for pleasure. She gave them her body but not a particle more. Maybe there wasn't any more. She didn't know. And that didn't seem to matter to any of the men. All they saw was her beauty, a flawless veil wrapped around a frozen heart, and they were enthralled. They looked into her jade eyes and were lost. She was not fooled by their endless declarations of love. They wanted her in the same way they wanted the gold in their mines or the treasures lost at sea. They lusted for her. They fought for the chance to be with her. They scrambled, grappled, gambled, and grabbed, and everything they had was spent without thought or consideration. They paid to become enslaved. She gave them what they thought was some sort of heaven and consigned them all to the Void.

What did it matter? She had nothing left. She didn't care. An even stronger force than the hatred that feasted on her was the weariness that sucked her soul dry. At eighteen, she was tired of living and resigned to the fact that nothing would ever change. She wondered why she had even been born. For this, she supposed. Take it or leave it. This damn illusion. And the only way to leave it was to kill herself. Every time she faced that fact, every time she had the chance, her courage failed.

Her only friend was a tired old harlot named Kitty, who was running to fat because of her thirst for ale. Yet even Kitty knew nothing of where Luna had come from or been, or what had happened to make her the way she was. The other prostitutes thought of her as invulnerable. They all wondered about her, but they never asked questions. Luna made it clearly understood from the beginning that her past was sacred ground that no one walked over. Except for Kitty, the stupid Khajiit that Luna held a fondness.

Kitty spent her off time deep in her cups. "You gotta have plans, Luna. You gotta hope for something in this world."

"Hope for what?"

"You can't get by any other way."

"I get by just fine."

"How?"

"I don't look back, and I don't look forward."

"What about now? You gotta think about now, Luna."

Luna smiled faintly and brushed her long, coal-black hair. "Now doesn't exist."


	5. Five

**Edit: Thanks to a reviewer, I have a whole new look on this story. Thanks to all that have given time to read and review! **

**FIVE**

**~.~**

* * *

Levine Grey-Seas was unloading crates of frozen fish and vegetables from the back of his coach when he saw a beautiful young woman walking along the streets of Riften. She was dressed in dark blue, her pale skin shining underneath the color making her look undead, a big, rough-looking man with a curved sword on his hip was at her side. All along the busy market, men stopped what they were doing and watched her. She said not a word to anyone. She looked neither to the right nor the left. She moved with simple, fluid grace, her shoulders straight, her head held high. Eyes forward.

Yet, Levine couldn't take his eyes off her. His heart beat faster and faster as she came near. He willed her to look at him, but she didn't. He let out his breath after she passed him, not even aware that he had been holding it.

Levine felt a rush of adrenaline mingled with disgust. One is taught not to experience such things as lust, and his thoughts surely were not pure... _Do not tempt me, Dibella._

"Something, ain't she?" Marcurio whispered. The retired mage held a sack of potatoes over his shoulder and grinned. "That's Luna. Prettiest girl south of the Rift and most likely prettiest of all Skyrim, too." He shoved the door open with his shoulder.

Levine cradled a barrel of apples. "What do you know about her?"

"No more than anyone else, I guess. She takes long walks. It's a habit of hers. Does it every Morndas, Middas, and Fredas evening around this same time." He nodded to the men along the street. "They all come to watch her. Sometimes, even the Jarl's son, and he's only twelve."

"Who's the man with her?" A dismal thought occurred to him. "Her husband?"

"Husband?" Marcurio nearly choked on his laughter. "More like bodygaurd. His name's Abhorn. He makes certain nobody bothers her. No one gets within a foot of her unless they've paid their dues."

Levine frowned slightly and went back outside. He stood at the back of his carriage, staring after her. She caught at something deep inside him. There was a grave, tragic dignity about her. As the graying storekeeper hefted another crate, Levine asked the question that had been burning inside him. "How do I meet her, Marcurio?"

The retiree smiled ruefully. "You have to get in line. The Madam holds a regular patent to see who'll get the privilege of seeing Luna."

"The Madam?"

"Sybil down by the docks." He nodded to his right. "The old Fishery is their home now. They call it Lady Luck, the most famous brothel in all of Skyrim."

Levine felt as though he had been kicked low and hard. He stared at Marcurio, but the man didn't even notice as he toted the last of the carrots inside and upended it into a bin. Levine brought in another barrel of apples.

_Of course I'm tempted with a harlot!_

"I've put up my share of gold a time or two to get my name on the list," Marcurio said over his shoulder. "That was before I found out it took twice as much to get your name on the _right _list."

Levine banged the barrel down hard. "A call girl? Someone like her?" He didn't want to believe it. A face like hers he had always imagined. She seemed too good to be true, but what he saw inside her was nothing beautiful. The girl reeked of hatred.

"Oh no, not just any old call girl, Levine. Luna is something real fine, from what I hear. Special training with the Dibellan priestesses. But I can't afford to find out for myself. The mistress would know something was happening if all this money was disappearing and I had nothing to show for it. No, when I've a need, I see Mona. She's clean, does things plain and simple, and she doesn't cost too much hard-earned gold."

Levine needed some air. He went back outside. Unable to help himself, he glanced down the street again at the slender girl in navy. She was coming back down the other side of the street and went right past him again. His reaction was worse this time, harder to take.

Marcurio unloaded the crate of not-so-frozen-anymore fish. "You look like a criminal before the chopping block." His smile was wry. "Or maybe you've down on that farm of yours too long."

"Let's settle up," Levine said tersely and went inside with the last barrel. He needed to get his mind back on business and off of her.

"You'll have enough gold to meet her once we square up," Marcurio said. "More than enough." He emptied the barrel into another open crate for presentation and setting it aside. "Fresh vegetables are worth a fortune down here. These young gents work harder and live on little better than flour, water, and salted meat. Then they come in town with swollen, bleeding gums and swelling fingers and toes and think they need a priest. All they need is a decent diet and a little common sense. Let's see what we got here. Two barrels of apples, three crates each of carrots and potatoes, three crates of gourds, and five nets of fish."

Levine told him what he wanted for the wagon load.

"What?! You're robbing me."

Levine smiled slightly. He wasn't greedy by any means. He had spent the better part of 4E 410 mining ores and knew what the men needed. True, food was only part of it, but it was a part he could supply. "You'll make twice that, don't worry."

Marcurio opened the strongbox behind the counter and took out two purses of septims. He slid one across to Levine and measured a portion out of the other into a smaller hide pouch. Tossing the bigger sack into the safe, he kicked it shut and checked the handle.

Levine emptied all the gold into a hide pouch he had crafted a few years ago. Marcurio watched, his mouth tipping. "You've got enough for a good time there. Wanna meet Luna? You ought to go down and talk to Sybil with some of it. She'd usher you right upstairs."

Luna... just her name affected him. "Not this time."

The mage saw the set of his jaw and nodded. Levine Grey-Seas was a quiet man, but there wasn't anything soft about him. There was something in his look that made men treat him with respect. It wasn't just his height or the strength of his body, which were both impressive enough. It was the clear steadiness in his gaze. He knew what he was about even if the rest of the world didn't. Marcurio liked him, and he had seen clearly enough the effect Luna had on him, but if Levine didn't want to discuss it, he would respect that. "What are you planning to do with all that gold?"

"Probably buy me another horse, or some cattle."

"Good," Marcurio smiled in approval. "Breed them fast. Beef is worth more than vegetables."

In all the years Levine's father and himself had visited Riften, the late Jarl Maven had done everything in her power to expand Riften and bring it back to life.

She had done just that.

A dam had been built a good mile down from where the docks used to stand, now the once murky grounds had all sorts of new houses and stores resting upon it, bringing in all sorts of people from all over Tamriel. Whether it be to trade, live, or use their famous brothel.

Even after the old Fishery had grown, illness struck Bolli, and after his passing, no one was able to bring the fish from the drained river and were forced to close it down. If it had been up to Levine's family, they would have taken the reigns from Nivenor, and changed her eagerness to sell the Fishery. But with Asgeir Snow-Shod and his wife, Vittoria, in charge they denied the Grey-Seas' request. Bless her soul, Vici's probably regretting her husband's decision for the brothel.

On his way out of town, Levine drove by the brothel. The third level had been added last month, and it was much fancier. The place was overflowing with men -mostly young, some bewhiskered and some smooth-cheeked- nearly all drunk or well on their way to being so. Someone was fiddling and men were making up bawdy verses to the tune, each cruder than the the last.

_And she lives there,_ he thought. _Up in one of those rooms with a bed a little else. _He flicked the reigns over his horse and kept on going, frowning heavily.

He couldn't get his mind off her, not all rest of the day, even when shoveling the waste of his farm animals. He kept looking up, as to hope she'd be walking down his cobblestoned path, a slender girl, dressed in indigo, with a beautiful, pale face of stone. Where had she come from?

"Luna," he said, trying her name on his tongue. Just testing. And he knew, even as he said it, his waiting was over.

Levine knew exactly who she was. All those restless nights of wonderment and dreams of a woman in rags had ceased. Luna was his dream. Maybe even his soul mate, and he knew he was going to marry her anyway.


End file.
